A Love Story

2 Comments February 14, 2019 upandlifting

 

There are so many stages to love. It is definitely not just waking up on Feb 14^th and declaring words of love and admiration to your partner, showering with gifts and back rubs and patting yourself on the back that you’re a good partner and that your love is strong.

I am no expert BUT after almost 15 years of marriage (18 together in total) I can say that love is shown when you pick up your socks, put the dishes IN the dishwasher, fill their car up with gas (this is never me), call them for no reason in the middle of the day (this is me) and in all the side looks, burst out laughter and the from- behind- kitchen sink hugs.

When you first start dating, you can’t be a part for long! Dates are hours and hours and of course…so creative! Money is (usually) not a factor here – splurges and splurges. Lots of sweet talk and intimacy. And asking each other important, thought provoking questions like “where do you see you self in 10 years?” (him to me, even 18 years later). I never had a good answer and now I say “still in the kitchen fixing someone’s lunch or folding laundry, I presume.”

Then we move to engagement – still in love and naming your children – or telling him you are naming their son, Julian (and we did) – but also the snide remarks of wedding plans going out the window. Keep looking forward! Marriage is so much easier than planning the wedding!! Ha ha!

And of course we have the honeymoon stage…aww married and still in love. And then you realize they put the toilet paper on the WRONG way, their sink is a mess (me) and why doesn’t he put the cereal bowl IN the dishwasher? (there’s a theme here I know).

Then mix kids in there!! And a baby that would rather be up and in the know of everything around him instead of sleeping! Throw lack of sleep, not enough coffee, incessant talk about poop and napping and a sudden urge to tell your hair dresser to cut your hair so that you can’t put it in a ponytail anymore! Surprise honey!!

And as the kids get older, the sleep does come…but so does the busy schedule of sports, school activities and whatever else they zing at your head. Sometimes you are rushing so much you pass each other on the way in and out of the house for days. Sometimes you have to email each other lists of topics to discuss and sometimes when you finally get out for a date night you end up talking about the kids.

But then finally, even though the kids are still awake and still needing to be in the know about everything and even though you are still rushing to sports and filling the other time with homework, you now find time to sit down together,. You even in silence and listen to the kids laugh, tell you a story, fight, sing annoying You Tube songs that you now can’t get out of your head and you realize every stage was perfect. But no stage was easy. Sometimes you wondered how you would make it through and sometimes you were fearful you wouldn’t. But somehow, the toilet paper roll doesn’t bug you, the messy sink is just a part of who she is and the laughter is still there.

Love is not in the chocolate. It’s not in the fancy dinners. It’s scraping off the ice from his car at 5:30am, it’s making sure she has towels before she goes into the shower – it’s the minutes and the moments.

So glad I have had so many moments with you. Can’t wait for many more – xo

(Side note, yes, I realize not everyone will or wants to get married or have kids…this is just one type of love story.)

 

 

 

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

September 5, 2017 upandlifting

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!

If you are reading this and you are a teacher, you may curse me I know…

As much as I LOVE summer…I love the heat , I love taking vacations, the end of making kids lunches, a little more relaxed vibe at work, there’s just something great about September and the start of a new year.

It’s weird though isn’t it? To think of September as a new year even when you are out of school.

Is it the cooler air?

Is it the darker mornings?

Is it the Fall clothing in the malls?

Is it the Halloween candy already in Walmart?

Does any or all of the above signify a new year…a fresh start??

Nope. It’s the “get your butts to bed on time, get up on time, get back into a routine, you’re driving me nuts, time to go back to school.” 

Ahh…I don’t even care that I had to make lunches today, or pack snacks, or iron their clothes. I did it all with a spring in my step.

In all seriousness, I am very fortunate. Both my kids enjoy school so I am not dealing with what I know some parents are going through tonight. And, I am looking forward to a great year for both of my boys. Grade 6 and Grade 4 – new memories, new challenges and new things to learn.

It’s a great time to reflect on the summer and all the fun we had…but also a great time to think ahead and think about some goals to make for the year ahead.

This year I want to take more in…enjoy the moments a little more, because all of a sudden the baby who never closed his eyes is pretty much as tall as I am and my baby is gelling his hair loving the manly smell of the gel his father gave him.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year for many reasons. (And yes, there are other wonderful times of the year lol) Good luck, my boys. I am proud of you.

See you at the Squat Rack ~

Carm

 

Date Night

May 26, 2017 upandlifting

Last night I went on a date with an 8 year old…oops, sorry…almost 9 year old.

His brother and dad were out for their own special evening and I wanted my youngest to have a great night too. I asked him where he would like to go and he chose McDonald’s. (Yes, I cringed…lol…so many other great places!!) Oh well, he’s 8…almost 9.

He wanted to wait until his brother went out at almost 8pm so that he was out at the same time. Thank goodness I already ate…8pm is WAY past my dinner time! I would have been eating my arm by that point.

He ordered his food and we sat in a booth and talked. He told me about his day – his first day of EQAO, the video they watched at school, his friends, his plans for the next day…and I sat there, leaning forward, my hand on my chin, listening but more so, watching him. One on one time is so precious and hard to come by in the busyness of our lives.

I told him…”this is like we are on a date.” And he smiled. Giggled. Then went on about something else.

Since he is like me in the way of loving to be comfy and in bed comfy even more so  – I mentioned we should get home, put on our pjs and watch Game 7 of the hockey game in mommy’s bed – all comfy and warm! He loved the idea as he never watches TV in our room.

We got home and of course, something was wrong with our TV (insert husband’s eye rolling). So as I tried to get it to work, Jacob yelled “don’t come into my room.”

I was so flustered with the TV; I didn’t even question what he was doing.

Two minutes later, he is standing beside me, in his Communion suit (one year later and now too short), jacket buttoned, tie on, belt in hand.

He dressed up for the remainder of our date.

I will never forget how he looked. I will never forget his thoughtfulness.

He didn’t stay long in the suit because our plan was pjs and hockey, but it didn’t matter.

It was one of the best dates I ever had.

I am now planning more date nights out with my sons.

Even if it is at McDonald’s.

See you at the Squat Rack ~

Carm

 

Happy Mother’s Day…

1 Comment May 13, 2017 upandlifting

I’m a mom. Two boys. Loud house. Hockey games in my kitchen. Balls bouncing off my living room walls. Wrestling on the tiles. NHL. NFL. TSN. Anything with three letters.

Constant conversations hover around hockey statistics, scores, whose team is better than the others, who cheated, who started the fight, who left the mess, who is picking the game to play, who is sitting beside mom, who is sitting beside dad, who is not tired to go bed, who is not hungry, why lunch wasn’t eaten at school…

This Sunday is Mother’s Day. The only day really when the kids love me enough to get a long for about 3 hours, where I am served some food, when I am told to rest. Literally by 1pm last year I had to remind the boys that it was STILL Mother’s Day so threatening each other was not really part of the gift.

This year I will be up at out of the house to watch my youngest play football.

I could complain about it and say I am not getting breakfast in bed like I usually do, but my gift is watching him play.

I could complain that my house is so loud with voices and balls bouncing, loud with their own commentating, but if it wasn’t filled with these voices, my halls would feel empty.

I could complain that I’d like to talk about something other what the score was during football/soccer recess but then I’d miss their excited play by plays.

I could complain about the pillows, books, games, nerf gun pieces on my floor, but that shows me that they are home.

I could complain that they always need to sit between me and my husband but soon they will be out more than they are home.

I could complain that I am always in the kitchen making somebody something to eat, but then I think about when they are off living on their own and not telling me that I make the best peanut butter sandwiches anymore.

I could complain that I need some rest. I could complain that I need some peace and quiet. I could complain that I would like to go and see Beauty and the Beast and not Iron Man. But I know, soon enough, as they start to hover over me in size, as their voices start to change, as their priorities shift as ours did, I will get all of that.

They will be independent.

They will find a love.

They may move away.

And I will miss the balls bouncing, the brotherly fights, the excited play by plays, the zombie books on the floor, the hockey night in Canada theme song, and even…yes, the butt talk.

So for right now, I will try not to complain. I will try to live in THEIR moments. I know it’s easier said than done but maybe that’s my Mother’s Day gift to myself.

And when they are fighting and hating each other for the moment, I will remember Julian’s good night to me this week “Goodnight, Beauty” he said. I will remember Jacob running to me after I picked him up at school saying, “I missed you so much today, mommy.”

Heart melting moments – they make it all worthwhile.

But, if they do move away…guess who is moving with them?!! I’ll give you a hint. It’s me. Who needs peace and quiet anyway?

See you at the Squat Rack ~

Carm

 

A Baby Story

April 4, 2017 upandlifting

There’s some thread trending on Facebook about a photographer refusing to take birth photos for a client after hearing her birth would not be a vaginal birth but rather the baby was being delivered by Caesarean section.

And of course, women everywhere are in an uproar about this. The photographer was rude in how she turned this woman’s request down – on what she said about what giving birth means. (To be honest, this thread may even be a hoax as you never know with social media, but it did get me thinking of my deliveries).

My first born, Julian, was born by C-section. Here he is, surprisingly, sleeping.

Like many women, I always dreamed about what it would be like to be pregnant, even go through labour, and give birth to this perfect baby that they would place immediately on your chest for that instant bonding between mama and child.

I went off work about 2 months before I was due to give birth. During those two months, I watched the TLC show The Baby Story every day. Every. Day. I cried at every episode as the doctor excitedly said “it’s a boy!” or “it’s a girl”! I watched the mother hold her newborn – baby looking up at her and boom! LOVE!

I couldn’t wait for all of this.

My due date came. My due date went. This kid was quite comfy I soon learned. After a week, a doctor’s check up revealed that I was hardly dilated. I was scheduled to be induced on Sunday August 20^th. After two stints that day at the hospital, I went into labour (back labour – that’s another story, dear God!) and I labored at home until I thought I was going to die. Or until Johnny thought he was going to die lol.  We arrived at the hospital around 10pm and I labored through the evening and although a nurse told me I was almost there early in the morning and although we called our parents thinking we would be pushing soon, nothing happened.

 I stayed at 9cm…and stayed…and stayed…then around 1pm, after every nurse, resident, student…hell probably even the janitor, checked on me, I was told I would need a C-section. There was no progress.

I cried. My husband asked why I was crying. I told him this didn’t happen in The Baby Story. My baby wasn’t going to be placed on top of me to hold when it was born. Honestly, I was heartbroken but also tired and wanted this baby out.

With great luck, I happened to have a wonderful anesthesiologist, who gave Johnny and I step-by-step or play-by-play on what was happening as Julian was being delivered. And he took some wicked pictures.

Although I didn’t get a chance to hold Julian right away, they brought him over to me to see his little puffy eyed face. And although I envied all the vaginal birth mothers on my floor as I walked preciously and painfully down the hall for that week and they beautifully flowed around their rooms, I only cared that my Julian was finally here. And Julian’s birth story speaks volumes of who he is. Although he is NEVER late, (which surprises me that he was past his due date) he likes things on HIS terms and WHEN he is ready.

And when I had Jacob, I told my doctor; I didn’t want to have another C-section. Some women prefer it. Some women can only have babies that way, but I was told that I didn’t have to have another section by force. So I wanted to try to push. I think I willed it so much that Jacob was born only 1 day passed his due date, in half the time of his brother and out after only 8 minutes of pushing.

But guess what?

After Jacob was born I was so happy that I pushed him out that I didn’t even realize until a few days after his birth that he wasn’t put on my chest upon delivery. He was cleaned up, weighed and measured and THEN came to me. And I obviously didn’t miss it. (But don’t tell me how wonderful that was for you or my ovaries may cry!)

Here’s Jacob, so little – before he met his big brother!

Both my sons’ births were were amazing – empowering – beautiful. I gave birth to both. And their individual births tell the story of who they are.

No episode of The Baby Story could have ever given me that.

See you at the Squat Rack ~

Carm